Ps 23 reflection&sharing:This season of my life hasn’t been an easy one. Filled with long periods of stress, indecision, self-doubts/ self-hatred, worries, pressure from others’ expectations, physical illness, mental, psychological&emotional suffering, near-breakdowns. Confusion. Lost. Helpless.
Things didn’t get any better with the limited social circle support that I had,&the deep isolation I felt from the church community. Perhaps people didn’t know how to help. Perhaps they didn’t know that the only thing they had to do was to show love, unconditional love. But all these are besides the main point. I was deep down in the pit. Right smack in the middle of it all.
In the midst of all these, it was right there that I found love. Unconditional love. Endless love. God found me and stayed with me. To be honest, He was the one who brought me into the wilderness, cause that’s the only place where I can be away from all distractions (external and internal). It was a place where raw confrontation of my struggles and sufferings can be unleashed. It was a place where restoration and freedom can take place.
Bit by bit, He drew me back. He showed me his truths, and in between the words shone His love. Night by night, His love whispered as I drifted off to sleep. Day by day, He made me pace with Him.
I had to lose myself in order to gain Him. To have Him. To be all I was made by Him to be.
To those outside, I may still be seem like I’m in a wreck. Honestly, I don’t think I’m put back together yet. I have nothing to show of this wilderness period. Nothing to show that I’m being changed. But I know and He knows, change has already taken place.
Maybe that’s why Psalm 23 looks so different now. Within the words shine a glorious truth: that I trust my God with all I have and all I am, even to the valley of the shadow of death. It’s a truth declaration of a firm decision that rings out loudly, no matter how quietly it has been whispered before.
I’m still in the pit, but I’m looking up to the stars. One day, all these will be behind me. But it doesn’t matter. Where He is at, there I will be. I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back.